


now i'm stuck on the dance floor (just holding your hand, just holding your hand)

by transtommyoliver



Series: damn it feels good to be a GAYngster [1]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Rewrite, Car rides, Childhood Memories, F/F, Falling In Love, Implied Sexual Content, Johnny Gat helps Diego with his EMoTIONS, Kissing, M/M, Minor Internalized Homophobia, Opening Up, Saints Row Spoilers, Self-Blame, Self-Hatred, Slow Dancing, Talking About the Past, Touchy-Feely, Trans Male Character, i cant believe johnny's canonly bi and theres like nothing about this, i thought saints row was supposed to be GTA for gays guys, its just gay, minor internalized transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:59:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtommyoliver/pseuds/transtommyoliver
Summary: Johnny supposed the Bosses mellowed out after his apparent death. Dessa wasn’t as ruthless as before and her ‘take-no-shit’ attitude wasn’t around as much anymore. Of course, it’s been awhile since everything happened, and he heard that the Saints weren’t in the best place in Steelport. It must’ve been rough enough to change her. But then they found Johnny, hiding out in the city alive.But Diego.He was in a bad way.





	now i'm stuck on the dance floor (just holding your hand, just holding your hand)

**Author's Note:**

> **Songs that are supposed to match the scenes in the fic are listed along with the scene numbers. it is suggested to listen to them as you read.**
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> BEFORE YOU READ:
> 
> this all takes place in an AU where Johnny obviously didn't die, but also none of SR4 happens and some of the events of SR3 didn't occur. this is mostly compliant to what happens in SR2 and there of course will be changes to it if possible. this is just....what i wish happened instead of al that weird shit. im not saying i didnt enjoy that weird shit, i love SR3/4, but i feel like the events of those games dont fit the narrative of my Bosses.
> 
> my Bosses are the Reyes siblings - Diego and Dessa May. they're actually step siblings and Diego is the first Boss of the Saints but after he went into a coma, his stepsister Dessa stepped into his shoes and even though the gang fell apart, she tried to keep in contact with as many people as possible for him. by the time SR2 starts, Dessa and Diego are both the leaders of the Saints. Diego regains his friendship with Johnny (who he falls in love with) and Aisha (who is his best friend in the whole world), while Dessa befriends their new crew members, Pierce (her new little brother figure), Shaundi (her new girlfriend), and Carlos (her new best friend ever). Of course bc of what happened to Aisha and Carlos, things suddenly take a turn for the worse and they end up like how they do in this fic. 
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> also just so you know, Diego is Filipino and Dessa is African-American. Dessa's mother married Diego's dad when they were very young, and both parents would have been accepting of their children despite what Diego says in this fic. Dessa and Diego both discovered their identities AFTER running away from home. they were both also out of high school at this point, Dessa being ~19 and Diego being ~18.
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> in this fic, Johnny A) seemed to have died, B) was not abducted by Zinyak, and C) literally just went into hiding for awhile and popped up in the middle of things with a gun like "sup losers, we murderin?"
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> and if any of the events seem weirdly inconsistent w each other then uhhhh Oops? this isnt beta read but that never stopped anyone from reading my fics

_01\. Persephone - The Tragic Thrills_  
  
Johnny supposed the Bosses mellowed out after his apparent death. Dessa wasn’t as ruthless as before and her ‘take-no-shit’ attitude wasn’t around as much anymore. Of course, it’s been awhile since everything happened, and he heard that the Saints weren’t in the best place in Steelport. It must’ve been rough enough to change her. But then they found Johnny, hiding out in the city alive.   
  
But Diego.   
  
He was in a bad way. Years back, when he “died”, he had no idea how badly Diego would take it. This was the same man who put Maero’s girlfriend in the trunk of a car and coldly watched as Maero crushed her with his truck. This was the same man who helped him bury Shogo alive, the same man who impaled Shogo’s father on a sword and left him to burn to death on a ship. Diego was cold-hearted - didn’t let his emotions take hold of him, and yet Johnny couldn’t help but notice the difference between him all those years ago and him now. Maybe it was the fact Dessa was around that he talked more about how he felt, maybe it was because the deaths of everyone he ever cared about was getting to him. Even if it’s been so long, Johnny knew that Diego blamed himself for everyone’s deaths, and maybe Carlos dying at the hands of the Brotherhood was just the beginning. Lin, Carlos, Aisha — Diego made a point of remembering them. Not only that, but Johnny’s known that Diego wasn’t the religious type, yet Diego set up a memorial for them - pictures of them in one of the rooms in the penthouse they all kept as a hideout or meeting place. Candles and crucifixes and rosaries, a Saints fleur necklace hung on each picture frame.   
  
Diego knew he had to honor them - their sacrifices.   
  
Johnny caught him one day, in the room with the memorial. He just stood there, staring at the picture frames, and Johnny stayed at the doorway. Despite how quiet he was, he realized Diego knew about his presence, but he didn’t care. They simply stayed in that moment in silence. Johnny took a look at him, an actual good look. Diego’s hair was greying, even if he was a few years younger than Johnny himself, and there were scars on his arms - from the Ronin. The long streaking scar across his face was from the boat explosion, Johnny remembered how unfamiliar Diego seemed. How long it felt since he saw him. He knew he’d changed.   
  
Then a Ronin goon sliced Diego’s lip and eye up. He ended up in the hospital, and they did manage to fix him but his eye clouded up with cataracts and Diego was effectively blinded in his left eye. A bad blind spot, Carlos once said when he and Diego were sparring. Diego didn’t care back then. Besides that though, Johnny couldn’t make anything else out about him. At least physically.   
  
Mentally or emotionally, Johnny couldn’t tell. He’s seen Diego act like how he did years ago when he was bringing the gang back, he’s seen him act high and mighty and like nothing can take him down. There are small moments like this though, where Diego puts the walls down. When Johnny left to go back to his room, Diego was still in the memorial.   
  
But a few minutes after, there was a knock at his door. Diego. He was holding car keys - obviously to his own. “You can drive,” he said, a smile on his face. Johnny smiles back and takes the car keys quickly.   
  
_02\. American Boyfriend - Kevin Abstract_  
  
Johnny wasn’t paying attention to wherever he was going - he just knew he wanted to drive around with Diego, who was staring out of the window. He was actually following traffic laws, surprisingly, but only for Diego. He needed peace.   
  
Traffic light turns red, and Johnny steals a glance at Diego. There was a way that the city lights (purple, red, pink, blue, colors blend together - perfectly, he’s amazing) dance across his face, and Diego takes a deep breath. The light turns green again, and Johnny asks suddenly, “Where do you wanna go, boss?”   
  
Diego seemed to think for a moment before responding:   
  
“Anywhere. Nowhere. I don’t care.” Johnny nodded. He had the perfect place.   
  
They drove around in silence when Diego spoke up, turning to face Johnny.   
  
“You know,” Diego let out a humorless laugh. “Dessa and I didn’t have any real reason to run away from home.”   
  
“What do you mean, boss?”   
  
Diego caught Johnny off-guard. The Saints have always known Dessa and Diego had run off from home, and the reasons have always been speculated among their ranks. Julius never learned about Diego’s past, that’s for sure, and Johnny had no idea if either Dessa or Diego disclosed their pasts to someone like Kinzie or Matt Miller. They seemed to know everything about them but it was unlikely.   
  
Diego adjusted his position in his seat and said, “Dessa and I had a good life at home. But we sort of just...up and left without a word. I wonder what mom and dad are thinking now, seeing their kids becoming gang leaders and taking the world by storm.” Johnny chuckled. If it were him, he’d be surprised but proud, but he didn’t know Diego and Dessa’s parents nor was he their parents. They’d react differently - probably in anger, probably frustrated that their children are leading lives that should never have become a choice for them --   
  
“I used to think that my reason for leaving was that my parents hated me for being me. Hated me for liking men and women, or they hated me for being trans, but God, Johnny, they never fucking hated me!” Diego gritted out, fists clenching in his lap. “If anyone hated me - it was myself. Never should’ve come here, never should have come to Stilwater. I keep blaming myself for everything bad that keeps happening, and maybe it really is my fault for getting everyone caught up in this and wanting to keep the Saints alive. Aisha is dead because of me, Lin is dead because of me, and Carlos too!” He was shouting.   
  
Diego pressed his forehead to his truck’s window. Johnny didn’t know what to say or do, but he felt one of his hands move away from the steering wheel, and onto Diego’s leg - close to his knee. It was a reassuring touch, and Diego let it rest there. Diego couldn’t have stopped the tears that began to flow. Johnny’s hand squeezed Diego’s thigh.   
  
“Boss -” Johnny stopped himself. “Diego.”   
  
He only ever used Diego’s name when they were alone. When Johnny knew no one could be listening in, and those moments were so rare. They were best friends and Johnny couldn’t even be casual with him in front of the rest of the Saints. Maybe with Pierce or Shaundi or King, but not the rest of them. He was always ‘Boss’ or ‘Playa’, never Diego. Of course it was the opposite for Dessa, she didn’t care, but Diego was always the one who needed to seem untouchable.   
  
“Their deaths weren’t your fuckin’ fault.”   
  
Diego rolled his eyes, and Johnny growled.   
  
“They died at the hands of people who were our enemies, yeah, but you didn’t kill them. You tried to save them, and it’s not your fault they died. Hell, do you know how much I blamed myself for Eesh’s death?!” Johnny’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “None of us blame you for what happened to Lin or Carlos or Aisha. You know why?”   
  
Johnny looked at Diego, who was wiping the tears from his face, but these tears were more out of anger than sadness. “It’s ‘cuz we knew you did all you could. We couldn’t have predicted Aisha sacrificing herself like that to warn us, we couldn’t have predicted that shit bag’s girlfriend’s choice to kidnap Carlos and drag him around on a chain. There may have been things we coulda done but we didn’t know that this was how things’ll turn out.” Johnny was starting clench his jaw after saying that, but he knew Diego needed to hear it.   
  
None of it was his fault, none of it.   
  
_03\. Fool for You - Snoh Aalegra_  
  
The truck stopped, out in the middle of nowhere. The area they ended up in had some sort of lovers’ lane kind of feeling. Isolated, by a cliff overlooking one of the bridges out of the city. Johnny had parked backwards, so the back of the truck was facing the cliff. Maybe it wasn’t so bad out here with Diego, Johnny thought. Diego stepped out of the truck first, and waited until Johnny got out to open up the bed of the truck for them to sit in. “Wait,” Johnny said, smirking. He was trying to lighten up the mood. Out from the truck, Johnny fished out some pillows and sheets, and even some blankets. Johnny remembered Diego kept them in case they were heading out for a long road trip. He also had a cooler that was restocked at least once every few weeks or so.   
  
Diego helped him set the sheets and it wasn’t long until they were both lying comfortably in the bed of the truck, shoes placed inside of the truck, pillows and blankets strewn around them as if they were in bed. Johnny lay down with an arm tucked beneath his neck, and Diego curled up away from him. Johnny was staring up at the sky, the stars. “Do you still want to talk about it, man?” Johnny whispered. Diego shifted to face Johnny, and there’s that way that Diego looks at him - so full of love, and Johnny could make out the scars on his face and the bags under his eyes, and the small moles on one cheek.   
  
“I don’t know,” Diego spoke softly. “Which ‘it’ are you referring to?” They met eyes, and Johnny looked away. Shit, when did he get soft like this?   
  
“Any ‘it’ that you want, Diego.” And Diego changed his position, so he was lying on his back, looking up at the sky.   
  
“After you...died,” Diego shakily breathed out. “I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t wanna leave my room, didn’t wanna eat. I was worse off than Shaundi, but I don’t any of the normal recruits noticed. And just —“   
  
“Boss, why would you —“ Johnny tried to interrupt.   
  
“Just, shut up, okay!? I blamed myself for so long for what happened to you and the others, and I couldn’t fucking handle it. I’ve watched people die all around me and didn’t care but with Lin, Aisha. Carlos, then you, I realized how much it actually hurt and that I was in love with you—“   
  
That was enough for him, and he quickly kissed Diego to stop him from talking.   
  
_04\. Down for You - Ta-Ku ft Alina Baraz_  
  
Diego melted. He really did. His eyes closed and oh God, was this really happening?   
  
He whimpered at the press of a tongue between his lips, and he wrapped his arms around Johnny’s shoulders. When Johnny pulled away, he gave him a lopsided smile and said,   
  
“Sometimes you really need to shut up, Diego.” And Johnny laid back down to his original position in the truck bed. Diego covered his face out of embarrassment before regaining his calm. Johnny listened as Diego’s breathing steadied until —   
  
“Fuck it.” Diego whispered to himself, and Johnny watched as Diego - his boss - straddled his hips blushing like a fuckin’ teenager during their first time. “You can’t just tease me like that, Gat.”   
  
Johnny smirked. “Well if I had any say in this,” he laughed, allowing his hands to travel up to grip Diego’s hips. “I’d say you were the one teasing me, but just so you know -“   
  
Johnny rolled his hips upwards to meet Diego’s. He gasped.   
  
“- I’m not the one who wants to be in control here.”   
  
Diego leaned in for another kiss.   
  
_05\. Kiss the Boy - Keiynan Lonsdale_  
  
The Saints all crashed in a club after a big hit on some corporate assholes. At this point, they’ve all been to this bar for some reason - a party, drinking away their sorrows - but of course it was a party this time. Everyone was drunk, or high, or being boring by not doing either of those things.   
  
(Ben King was getting too old to chaperone them, and Johnny honestly couldn’t blame Matt Miller for being hesitant to join the partying.)   
  
Dessa, Johnny noted, was drunk as hell. But not in the ‘I’m So Drunk I Can Barely Stand’ Way (TM), but in the ‘I’m So Drunk That I’m Gonna Do Some Crazy Shit’ Way (TM). The DJ was happily taking requests that night, and she was blasting all of Diego and Dessa’s favorite songs. There was some Beyoncé in there, courtesy of Dessa, and Diego decided to request music that came out recently - luckily he was sober so they wouldn’t be hearing What’s New Pussycat at all that night. The songs were mostly to the Saints’ tastes but some of the older members weren’t used to it. They didn’t seem to mind though. Johnny just watched Diego and Dessa dance around with the other patrons of the club. Dessa’s laugh rung out happily as she approached Shaundi and dragged her onto the dance floor. Shaundi spotted Johnny and gave him a ‘HELP ME’ look with wide eyes and an awkward smile. Johnny just shrugged. He couldn’t tear Dessa away from the love of her life. They were adorable together.   
  
“Johnny!” A voice shouted above the music. Johnny turned around and saw Diego there behind him. Diego laced his hand with Johnny’s, and he was blushing. Cute. Johnny squeezed his hand and leaned in closer so they could hear each other better over the music. (Or just to stay close to him, Johnny didn’t know anymore.)   
  
“What’s up, boss?” He asked, looking down at the shorter man.   
  
Diego swallowed, nervous. “Do you wanna get out of here?” He bit his lip, seeming doubtful that Johnny would even join him. But after that night...how could he refuse?   
  
“For you? Hell yeah. Where’re we goin’?”   
  
Diego showed him a key, not the one to his truck. “Stole it off the bartender, now c’mon.”   
  
Johnny jumped at the chance to be with Diego, alone.   
  
_06\. LOVE. FEAT ZACARI - Kendrick Lamar_  
  
They found themselves at the roof of the club, and they sat with their legs dangling off the side. “It was getting stuffy in there,” Diego had said. He was glad to be out of there, but moreso that he and Johnny could be alone. They could still hear the music coming from downstairs, and Diego honestly didn’t care.   
  
They were playing some love song, slow and nice - fitting for a time like this. Diego stood up, and held his hand out to Johnny. “Dance with me,” he simply stated.   
  
Johnny scoffed. “Is that a question or a command?” The look on his face meant he wasn’t serious, but Diego went with it anyways.   
  
“As the leader of the Saints, I command you to dance with me.” Diego couldn’t stop himself from bursting out laughing at how ridiculous he sounded, but Johnny took Diego’s hand anyways. “Gotta warn you though, boss, I’m terrible at dancing.” Diego didn’t care, he didn’t care at all.   
  
“I’ll teach you then. Here.” Diego stood in front of Johnny, black button-up shirt with purple flowers all over it and nice dress pants. It was different from Johnny’s jacket and jeans. It might’ve meant something back then, how fancy Diego was meant to look compared to everyone else. It signified him being the leader of the Saints, the boss.   
  
Johnny wanted to say something, how weird and awkward this was because of who they were and how they looked. But Diego guided his hands to his waist, and put his arms around Johnny’s shoulders. It didn’t matter, they were alone.   
  
Memories of him and Aisha passed through his mind, he knew she’d be happy for the both of them. This wasn’t too bad, he thought.   
  
(They were swaying to the music, neon lights, cars passing. This was their moment.)   
  
It wasn’t too bad at all.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: chenkin-nuggets.tumblr.com
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> if u ask me about my OCs,,,,,,i'd cry please ask me about my ocs.
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> also im so in love w the idea of the Boss teaching Johnny how to dance ahfslfhaskf just imagine all the Saints going to a dance class together that sounds so lit.


End file.
